-Hello, and welcome to Seth-land! I hope you will enjoy my latest thoughts that I've just now written down and broadcast all around the world. Here we go:
-I shall now report the two funniest things that happened today from funniest to least funny. First, I stapled my finger. Really. I was sitting around, being an absolute nuisance, when my mom thought up something for me to do. "Hey, Seth,"she yelled. "Could you fix this stapler?" I looked at the stapler. It was jammed. "OK, Mom," I said, opening it up, popping the staple out with a pen, and promptly putting my finger over the output and closing the staple compartment. There's this one really, really, really dumb thing about staplers that you see and then laugh about because it could seriously injure you someday, and that is that to close the staple compartment, you have to push the metal thing all the way down- and a staple comes out when you do. End of story. It's surprisingly painless, until it starts hurting. Second, I found a note in our recycling bin -when about to take the recycling/trash stuff back into the garage- along with a bunch of those big Costco animal cracker jars-one of them squished and mangled. Fearing that our trash man had developed anger issues and needed to be referred to a counseling center, I read the note. It said, "Sorry, won't fit in truck". Har, har! Funny, huh?
-After numerous debates among various members of our family on what the new baby's name should be, I am here to stop the madness. Anyone know a really good boy name that neither my mom nor my dad will not completely hate? Any name that I haven't thought of would help.
-Hey, out there, could you comment on my blog? I know it seems like a waste of time, but I need something to do-though if my mom has told you about the cute way I check on my blog every 2 seconds, I don't need something to do quite that badly.
-I've been thinking lately, and I've come up with a few strange questions that I can't come up with answers for. Here they are, along with small editorials here and there:
#1: How did our primitive ancestors come up with smoking? As John Bytheway puts it, maybe it went something like this:
'Hey, Bill,' yells a primitive ancestor. 'Hey, look at this plant.' He takes a bite of it. 'Hey, I feel funny!' He then sets it on fire, carves a pipe for it, and puts it into his mouth so that he can 'feel funny' all the time.
#2: When and under what mental incapabilities did someone invent a bad word for poop and a bad word for pee? You might as well say 'poop' instead of getting in deep trouble just to be tough at the same time as stating that you must use the porcelain.
#3: Why do we lie? All it does is make us more and more cautious, and then you can't do anything at all, including talk, while you analyze what someone just said to see if you think they might be telling a whopper. It also makes us so darn mad at each other-! I think being mad is turning into one of Satan's most successful tools- as my mom points out during scripture study, look at what happened to the Lamanites when they got mad- their population is decimated, they retreat into the depths of the Land of Nephi, and they are nice and humble doing their little wicked things over there until somebody comes to stir them up again. Same story with the Palestinians- stop being too mad to think and leave that desolate little piece of land to the Israeli's and move somewhere else, for heaven's sake!
#4: How does a speedometer work? Okay, okay, this one is a simple one- compared to the rest- and no, I do not want a lecture on this one. In fact, if you're tempted to give me a science lecture, just pretend I never said it and I'll probably delete it in time.
From here, it only gets worse, so I'm cutting it off at that! (As I say, applause is appropriate at this time.)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
goodwill
- Hi, folks! I'm back-yes, that guy you keep hoping will forget to blog- Almost as much as you hope that one guy named Al with 8671/2 pierces stuck into his right ear to forget to come to your party. Moooovving on...
-Today Jared and I were tossed downstairs to do a deep clean of our room. I must say, this subject has been rather mired down by advertising jingles, dumb jokes, and homework poems/stories, so I won't dwell on it long. We proceeded to take down our mattresses and dismantle the bed frame so we could take it out of our room. We concluded that we didn't really need to move the bed shortly after the frame gave an unsettling crack and a screw protruded out of the wood. After putting it more or less together and pounding in the unruly screw, we looked at the bed and decided to have 2 beds- that way, I wouldn't have such a long way to fall and Jared didn't have an ominous weight hanging over him. Anyway, we cleaned the room thoroughly, waited for the unruly buggers to sneak out of the trash bags and buckets of 'put-away stuff', and cleaned the room thoroughly again, this time putting everything into the Goodwill pile. Take one look at the pile, and you know that the Goodwill people must have an awful lot of goodwill. I am now waiting for the smart unruly buggers to mess everything up again.
-I'm glad to be the first to spill the beans: My mom is having a boy! No more Barbies! No more Polly Pockets! Above all, no more uber-expensive crappy plastic designer clothes;^)-! I swear, you can just hear Mom's budget sighing in relief.
-I must report that I am saddened at the Cougars performance on the football field, though I guess I have no control whatsoever over that. However, as Uncle Nigel said, it's a good thing we're a basketball school.
-Today, I took another step towards that far-off notion of becoming a grown-up: I just now figured out that the real fun of Halloween is not in toiling up the hill to old Mrs. Hicks' house, It's in staying home and making a spook house for the Trunk-R-Treat. That way, you can just eat your favorite candy that your parents bought anyway and make little kids hide in their candy buckets(they're big enough; I once saw a kid whose costume was a candy bucket with 2 holes drilled in the bottom for his legs and duct tape holding it up.). It's 'fun'.
-Today Jared and I were tossed downstairs to do a deep clean of our room. I must say, this subject has been rather mired down by advertising jingles, dumb jokes, and homework poems/stories, so I won't dwell on it long. We proceeded to take down our mattresses and dismantle the bed frame so we could take it out of our room. We concluded that we didn't really need to move the bed shortly after the frame gave an unsettling crack and a screw protruded out of the wood. After putting it more or less together and pounding in the unruly screw, we looked at the bed and decided to have 2 beds- that way, I wouldn't have such a long way to fall and Jared didn't have an ominous weight hanging over him. Anyway, we cleaned the room thoroughly, waited for the unruly buggers to sneak out of the trash bags and buckets of 'put-away stuff', and cleaned the room thoroughly again, this time putting everything into the Goodwill pile. Take one look at the pile, and you know that the Goodwill people must have an awful lot of goodwill. I am now waiting for the smart unruly buggers to mess everything up again.
-I'm glad to be the first to spill the beans: My mom is having a boy! No more Barbies! No more Polly Pockets! Above all, no more uber-expensive crappy plastic designer clothes;^)-! I swear, you can just hear Mom's budget sighing in relief.
-I must report that I am saddened at the Cougars performance on the football field, though I guess I have no control whatsoever over that. However, as Uncle Nigel said, it's a good thing we're a basketball school.
-Today, I took another step towards that far-off notion of becoming a grown-up: I just now figured out that the real fun of Halloween is not in toiling up the hill to old Mrs. Hicks' house, It's in staying home and making a spook house for the Trunk-R-Treat. That way, you can just eat your favorite candy that your parents bought anyway and make little kids hide in their candy buckets(they're big enough; I once saw a kid whose costume was a candy bucket with 2 holes drilled in the bottom for his legs and duct tape holding it up.). It's 'fun'.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Lawnmowing and Mr. Ugly: the unaccredited farce
-It looks like I'm back. My last blog was sort of pointless, so today we have an actual story for the title story. I think I'm getting the hang of Blogging, so my blogs will probably become increasingly duller and duller until one of you guys works up the nerve to tell me that I'm getting a little rusty. Anyway, see what you think:
-We are still trying to include Kai in our prayers, and all of us are hoping. Again, don't give up hope, Scott & co.!
-I shall now try to begin to explain to you in plain words(I wanted a live video feed, but my dang mom shut the whole operation down with my mouse over the button labeled 'BUY*'. The total cost -yes, camera and everything- would have cost (L)2,569.99.Okay, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration and okay, maybe I'm going a bit overboard with this, but there you go. Anyway, here it is:
-8:30 and time to coax Mr. ugly out of his lair. I crawl slowly through the uber-expensive equipment/cheap junk piled around this holy grail of ugly lawnmowers, talking calmly and reassuringly, saying things like 'Mr. Uuugly...' a growl issues from the center of his fortress. I find him. Though I have witnessed this sight many times, I can not resist shuddering. Grease-n-grass encases the entire upper half of him, while the bottom consists of a large bowl-like metal thing with a blade in the middle. The wheels are screwed to the outside of the bowl, and the motor is screwed to the top. The handle sticks out at an unlikely angle, and there are many other battle scars he has from what he likes to think is pursuing evildoers at astonishing speeds of 2+ mph. Like I said, he has many battle scars, but from his point of view, that's not a big deal for what he accomplishes- He does effortlessly behead over 500,000 enemies weekly. Anyway, I carefully dragged him out of the garage, thinking thoughts of gigantic gory battles with Mr. Ugly in the middle of it(I swear he can read minds... Oh, well, it's worth a try.). I yell "RESUME CHASE!" and yank the cord. Mr. Ugly belches, coughs, and roars to life! Despite his need to be shaken every half pass, he does have a surprisingly powerful engine. I sigh with relief, and start mowing. Though you do need to be careful of the fact that he has only 3 wheels(both physically and mentally), the hard part is over-! After mowing, I cruise into the garage, leave Mr. Ugly at the outside of his home(he doesn't like escorts) and go do whatever. Whew!
-It looks like that's about all I can say, so I guess I'm going to go do whatever. Bye for now, and good luck with everything!
-We are still trying to include Kai in our prayers, and all of us are hoping. Again, don't give up hope, Scott & co.!
-I shall now try to begin to explain to you in plain words(I wanted a live video feed, but my dang mom shut the whole operation down with my mouse over the button labeled 'BUY*'. The total cost -yes, camera and everything- would have cost (L)2,569.99.Okay, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration and okay, maybe I'm going a bit overboard with this, but there you go. Anyway, here it is:
-8:30 and time to coax Mr. ugly out of his lair. I crawl slowly through the uber-expensive equipment/cheap junk piled around this holy grail of ugly lawnmowers, talking calmly and reassuringly, saying things like 'Mr. Uuugly...' a growl issues from the center of his fortress. I find him. Though I have witnessed this sight many times, I can not resist shuddering. Grease-n-grass encases the entire upper half of him, while the bottom consists of a large bowl-like metal thing with a blade in the middle. The wheels are screwed to the outside of the bowl, and the motor is screwed to the top. The handle sticks out at an unlikely angle, and there are many other battle scars he has from what he likes to think is pursuing evildoers at astonishing speeds of 2+ mph. Like I said, he has many battle scars, but from his point of view, that's not a big deal for what he accomplishes- He does effortlessly behead over 500,000 enemies weekly. Anyway, I carefully dragged him out of the garage, thinking thoughts of gigantic gory battles with Mr. Ugly in the middle of it(I swear he can read minds... Oh, well, it's worth a try.). I yell "RESUME CHASE!" and yank the cord. Mr. Ugly belches, coughs, and roars to life! Despite his need to be shaken every half pass, he does have a surprisingly powerful engine. I sigh with relief, and start mowing. Though you do need to be careful of the fact that he has only 3 wheels(both physically and mentally), the hard part is over-! After mowing, I cruise into the garage, leave Mr. Ugly at the outside of his home(he doesn't like escorts) and go do whatever. Whew!
-It looks like that's about all I can say, so I guess I'm going to go do whatever. Bye for now, and good luck with everything!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
jr.high: ups & downs
- Hi, I guess I'm back in business with my bumbling, meandering, and somewhat twisted musings. I guess you're wondering what the picture at the right is already, so I'll tell you that it's from the 'Google Play' thing they have under the Blogger settings. I'm sure you've all seen this before. It looked pretty interesting, and so I decided to check it out. I came across many funny pictures, but this was among the funniest. It is now my display picture, as it symbolizes... well I guess it doesn't really symbolize anything. Anyway, that 'play' thing is sorta cool. Check it out sometime.- I am glad to say that I have finally decided which soccer team to devote my life to- thanks to Uncle Nigel. I've decided that, due to the long history, the fact that it is (arguably, as mentioned by Uncle Nigel) the most storied team in history, and the good fans, the new, impressionable fan-in-the-making goes to Liverpool. Thanks Uncle Nigel- that was great. I hope to have an addiction by the end of the next game I watch!
- Now for the title story("Oooh, Ahhh. Thank goodness he's gotten on track, or we'd be here through the second coming with our dry eyeballs still pointing at the computer monitor." Well, thank you for your love and support. I hope you're happy![here I go again.]). I now have toiled up the icy slopes of sixth grade, only to reach the top and find Mr. Kleinart(principal, in charge of "making everyone feel safe") & Mr. Hill(vice principal, in charge of school security, and in charge of making everybody feel as though they should be put in a barrel with their stuff and rolled from class to class instead of being literally rolled into a ball with their papers and binder and tossed into a freight elevator with all their fellow student-binder balls to get from class to class) standing there with cattle prods, ready to zap you until you fall off of the cliff of seventh grade. At least they've cracked down on Swirlies. You probably forgot whatever the heck I was saying during that uber-long pair of parentheses(and whatever the heck was between them), so why don't you check and see so that you can say "That was one dumb joke!" and get it over with. Was I right? I am so goood! Anyway, here are all my teachers & staff in order from best to worst(I seem to have developed a way of saying things about people or stuff that I have an opinion on that only insults people. I hope It wears off soon!). You can draw your own conclusions.
Sister Golightly: My favorite teacher; is LDS and is very funny. Likes whatever you do(or maybe that's an act-? Oh, well, she's my favorite teacher anyhow.) is the GT(Gifted & Talented- otherwise dubbed 'geeks in training' by other jealous, misinformed ignorant laymen) teacher at MJHS(the jr. high). Loves teaching.
Mr.Quesnell(pronounced 'kuhnell'): Is my English teacher; loves reading and writing- In fact, they are second only to being a fishing guide. You can't get much better than that- especially with fishing guides.
Mr. Lawton- Is my science teacher; likes law & order and the metric system equally well; also likes to kid around- but only on his spare time! When the bell rings, you'd better stop that horsing around-!
Mrs. Quesenbury: Is my Geography teacher; lenient about poster deadlines, but the friendliness ends there. She's one of those teachers that will personally roll you up in your student-binder ball and shove you down the laundry chute marked 'naughty'(yes, as your naughtiness increases, you get referred from the class of the freight-elevetor to the lower class.).
Mr. Jackson: loves to make little kid's skin turn red from woodworking tool-burns(occur when you get wood shavings all over your hands, then rub them all up and down a metal or plastic handle)-actually, any handle will work.
Mr. what's-his-name: I can never remember his name for fear of retaliation, but he teaches health. Is the 7th grade football coach- that may be where he got his hard-as-a-rock characteristics(either there or from the 'big house')- makes you do 20 pushups at the slightest hint that you are 'naughty'.
I'm not even going to mention the P.E. teacher.
That finishes it up! If you liked my blog, give me a happy review- if not, read it over and over again until you do-! Thanks again, Uncle Nigel, for that e-mail!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Quirks: my list
Hi, everybody...
-I hope you think my 2nd posting turned out as well as I thought it did! Actually, the last one was a test, so you could call it my first. Anyway:
-It's just another normal day here in La La Land- Jacob going into his routines, Caroline yelling and trying to beat everybody up(that's MY Polly! give it BACK![whap, bonk] Caro-LINE! [clang of steel curtain hanger on... something expensive-sounding, probably a camera or something else like that.] I usually imagine something in- like "ha-HA! gotcha!"- at about this point.[ rumble of falling cardboard bricks- kept in a massive pile by the closet.] Jacob joins the fight.[MIRIAM! you're not my friend anymore!]I can tell by the increasing thuds and clangs that Jacob has picked up the little dolly chair and is using it to bash everyone over the head. Finally, someone decides to use the all-time ace-in-the-hole, though sometimes it backfires on the user-as in this example: MOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Miriam is trying to kill meeee!!!!!!!! WAAAAHH! "Momeee" comes in, already disgruntled at having to pause NPR- to which she listens every day- and, at finding the entire room in chaos, wallows through all the battered playthings to dish out comeuppance for the resulting hours of clean-up time for her[imagine what would happen if someone started singing the 'clean-up song'!{Everlasting confinement in the garage, probably.}] Anyway, the result is usually that everyone in a 45-foot radius of Mom goes to timeout- that's why Jared and I are evacuated from the house of our own accord by this time- and peace is restored once again. Mom goes into the kitchen and resumes listening to NPR(I swear it's some sort of addiction, I'll have to Google it sometime) and polishing\waxing her kitchen.) Julia still does her usual begging for treats(it usually works: what would you do if a Bambi-eyed baby was wandering dolefully around the kitchen whispering "ummy? ummy?"-?) Jared is bouncing experimental sports game analizations off of Seth, Seth agreeing profusely to Jared's seemingly endless ramblings at the same time as reading a National Geographic issue-of which my Dad has an ENDLESS collection, I assure you.
-We all hope Kai gets better from his injuries, and he is included in our prayers each day. don't give up hope, Scott and co.!
-...Well. To the subject. I have below a list of people(don't worry, I have gotten all of their express permission- most of them.) Also, as you may have noticed, I conveniently forgot to add myself in the list. This is because it's supposed to be from my point of view, and I don't have particularly good insights on myself -and because of the obvious, which is that I, as of now, have no quirks whatsoever(here I go!) I may sound mean in this, but I told them to tell me if they don't like it -so it's not my fault if it sounds like I'm out to get them.
-I hope you think my 2nd posting turned out as well as I thought it did! Actually, the last one was a test, so you could call it my first. Anyway:
-It's just another normal day here in La La Land- Jacob going into his routines, Caroline yelling and trying to beat everybody up(that's MY Polly! give it BACK![whap, bonk] Caro-LINE! [clang of steel curtain hanger on... something expensive-sounding, probably a camera or something else like that.] I usually imagine something in- like "ha-HA! gotcha!"- at about this point.[ rumble of falling cardboard bricks- kept in a massive pile by the closet.] Jacob joins the fight.[MIRIAM! you're not my friend anymore!]I can tell by the increasing thuds and clangs that Jacob has picked up the little dolly chair and is using it to bash everyone over the head. Finally, someone decides to use the all-time ace-in-the-hole, though sometimes it backfires on the user-as in this example: MOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Miriam is trying to kill meeee!!!!!!!! WAAAAHH! "Momeee" comes in, already disgruntled at having to pause NPR- to which she listens every day- and, at finding the entire room in chaos, wallows through all the battered playthings to dish out comeuppance for the resulting hours of clean-up time for her[imagine what would happen if someone started singing the 'clean-up song'!{Everlasting confinement in the garage, probably.}] Anyway, the result is usually that everyone in a 45-foot radius of Mom goes to timeout- that's why Jared and I are evacuated from the house of our own accord by this time- and peace is restored once again. Mom goes into the kitchen and resumes listening to NPR(I swear it's some sort of addiction, I'll have to Google it sometime) and polishing\waxing her kitchen.) Julia still does her usual begging for treats(it usually works: what would you do if a Bambi-eyed baby was wandering dolefully around the kitchen whispering "ummy? ummy?"-?) Jared is bouncing experimental sports game analizations off of Seth, Seth agreeing profusely to Jared's seemingly endless ramblings at the same time as reading a National Geographic issue-of which my Dad has an ENDLESS collection, I assure you.
-We all hope Kai gets better from his injuries, and he is included in our prayers each day. don't give up hope, Scott and co.!
-...Well. To the subject. I have below a list of people(don't worry, I have gotten all of their express permission- most of them.) Also, as you may have noticed, I conveniently forgot to add myself in the list. This is because it's supposed to be from my point of view, and I don't have particularly good insights on myself -and because of the obvious, which is that I, as of now, have no quirks whatsoever(here I go!) I may sound mean in this, but I told them to tell me if they don't like it -so it's not my fault if it sounds like I'm out to get them.
- My dad: seems to like the feeling of mud caked everywhere possible on his body; loves the National Geographic altogether too much; also loves anything
Mom cooks-i guess it's some sort of husband thing.... - My Mom: likes to listen all day to NPR mp3 downloads; also loves anything my dad cooks(maybe returning the favor, I don't know.); has personal vendetta for the Lifecor saleslady, along with many others she's dealt with in her accounting career...
- Jared: is really into the Backyard Sports computer game series; loves any sport along with that; life is dedicated to hating pineapple...
- Miriam: can make any ailment sound cute and damsel-in-distress-like(sometimes so much so that it's laughable); likes to dress up in mid-1800's raiment during resttime...
- Caroline: has a definite personality; likes do dress up in clothes that are "all the rage"; hates ketchup and will to the end of her days- she can't even stand the smell, and complains if the bottle comes into her vicinity...
- Jacob: likes to dress up in a mixture of Miriam's and Caroline's choice, therefore looking like an extremely overdone hippie, complete with "long hair"(strings draped over his head) and safety pins holding the whole thing together.
- Julia: loves anything little babies have a reputation of hating-babyfood, mostly("Spinach and dried onion blend?"[retch, cough] "Here Julia! mmm, it's ummmmy!")
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Hi everybody! =^P
Hi. Just to make a good introductory impression, I find it necessary to state my late thoughts- or at least my more significant ones. Also, I would imply that you know I realize the fact that some of these thoughts are inappropriate, most of these type containing varying degrees of gore, and including a light dusting of what my mother would call 'potty talk', for a reputedly g-rated blog. I have, consequently, acted upon this and therefore this blog post would probably be what you would call 'edited'. Before you read this post, you need to realize the fact that nothing - I repeat NOTHING - exiting has been happening over the past few weeks. The most exiting thing that's happened would probably be going to Walmart and buying a bag of chips(They were good chips nonetheless). As an end result, this post is sadly diminished in size- but, as my unusually annoying conscience points out, this is not the end of the world.
Thus, I start my blog. I, of late, have been in awe at the amount of hilarious happenings that can come out of nowhere because of the sheer millions of mechanical, automatic, computerized facts posted on large Internet sites- such as EBay. For example, there is one review I found while looking at a seller's feedback:
___________________________________________________________________
THIS CD DOESN’T WORK. SENT MANY E-MAILS TO THEM WITH NO RESULTS. I WANT A REFUND
· Reply by directbids (May-10-07 19-57):
WE E-MAILED & TOLD YOU TO SEND IT BACK FOR A RE-PLACEMENT OR REFUND AS POSTED!!
o Follow-up by southernladylingerie (May-10-07 19:57):
YOU LIAR, YOU NEVER E-MAILED & TOLD ME ANYTHING BUT “ TRY IT ON ANOTHER COMPUTER”
§ Rating mutually withdrawn
FENG SHUI – Chinese Art Of Creating Harmony NEW CD PC
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read the whole thing!
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